The Back-Story

Every good diet-and-exercise blog has to start out with a story, right? Right. So here's mine:

I've always wanted to lose weight. I have some fairly odd childhood memories of thinking I was fat, actually. The JCPenny catalog listed shipping weights for its items -- typically 0.75, 0.6, 0.9 for kids' clothing. I would look at the catalog, however, and think this odd decimal number somehow corresponded to the weight of the child the clothes would fit -- and as I did the math, I was too heavy for the clothes. Go figure.

I also couldn't do a chin-up (and still can't, even when I'm exercising) and ran quite slowly in gym class and, later, at field hockey practice. Surely, then, I was fat.

In middle school, convinced of my weight issues, I started eating salads with no dressing to cut calories. I'd sometimes skip lunch or pack odd low-fat (but nutritionally devoid) items such as marshmallow sandwiches. (Um, yuck.)

In college, I found a rare dieting salvation: I lost weight without even trying. I'd come from a family who loved eating (I was never, ever sent to bed without supper) in a small town where driving was much more common than walking. On my college campus, I was walking -- to class, to the grocery store, to see friends. I climbed stairs. I carried books around. And I ate sensibly; a meal plan with only 2.5 cafe visits per day will do that to you. After just a few months, I noticed that my legs were thinner. From somewhere near 150, my weight moved closer to 140. Hallelujah!

It got even better! In my junior year, as my first truly serious relationship ended, I had my first slight panic attacks. I dealt with the anxiety (who knew I could be so healthy?) by hitting the gym, at a hardcore pace, three to four times a week. I biked, ran on the treadmill and hit the elliptical. Sometimes I added a weight circuit at the end of the workout. The goal? To ease the miserable feeling in my heart and head. The result? Size 6 jeans, 135 pounds.

I achieved that success, however, with a lopsided approach: My workouts were great, but my nutrition level was crap. A diet of Reese's Pieces for breakfast, a turkey sub and smoothie for lunch, diet Cokes until deadline and frozen sorbet for a late dinner was not unusual. Hardly healthy. Consequently, the weight loss didn't last.

In my last year of college and master's studies, I put on a pound here and there as I focused on graduating. I moved back into my size 8 jeans. It would only get worse as I left school and began working. I spent long hours at my desk or driving from assignment to assignment in my car. I moved, a lot -- too often to ever settle into a routine. And even if I wanted to exercise, there plenty of excuses: The gym in an Indiana apartment complex felt lonely. In Texas, it was hot. (And Bally's was too focused on making a buck.)

In California, however, I did find a plan: A new friend who had just started running and needed a buddy. I trained with her for a 12k and played on a co-ed soccer team with my then-flatmate (now boyfriend). For six months, I was in amazing shape. I could eat whatever I wanted: Bring on the carbs! But as soon as the 12k was over, however, so was my drive to train. I stopped running but kept eating.

It's been a long, two-and-a-half year road since then. I've biked, hiked, sprinted, lifted weights. I've gone from Diet Coke to regular Coke to no Coke and back again. My eating habits have changed from erratic to regular and rich. I now work in a Silicon Valley firm laden with free food. Much of the food there is healthy, but let's be honest: When the choice is between lightly seasoned salmon and BBQ ribs, which are you going to pick?

It's time, however, to end that party. At 159.6 pounds (in workout clothes, holding my iPod, on the gym's digital scale at work -- like the excuses?), I'm about the heaviest I've ever been. I've been hovering at this weight now for about six months. I lose five pounds, I gain it back.

The time is now. My running buddy is back in business; no fewer than two diet books are en route to my office; and I have lots of reasons to shed my extra pounds, not the least of which is my own self-esteem.

The time is now. The pounds are going. And I'm recording it all here.